Unshed Tears
by SimplyHappy
Summary: A tortured silence erupted from my mouth, so quite yet eerie at the same time.Part of me begged for the pain to stop while another welcomed it.I wanted the peace that came with death.I wanted to forget him... Escaping the past isn't as easy as it seems...
1. Prologue

All Human

Multi POV's

Prologue

The brown haired woman stalked out of the building into the heavy rains. 6 years, 6 years since she saw that bastard, 6 years since he walked into her life and destroyed it. How dare he come into her office after all these years! She quickly got into the awaiting taxi and began seething

"Son's birthday was yesterday, was really nice. My wife spent months planning Ed's birthday…." Hearing the boy's name brought back unwanted memories to the surface. Hatred took control of her body and she began to shake. Hands clenched into fists, jaw shut and her brown eyes; glistening with unshed tears; engulfed in a murderous flame.

Fire and Ice. Two different emotions inhabiting one body. Hurt and fury against heartbreak and love. An internal battle raging deep inside her soul. His appearance just added fuel to the fire. In the eyes of any person, they might see a scorned woman who refuses to move on, but in reality, it's just a girl who was robbed and the life she should've lived. A girl forced to hide in the shadows of a hardened woman.

Just seeing him brings back memories of her past life, the life she hoped to leave behind forever. He better hope never see her again, unless he wants to feel the pain she's been shouldering all these years. Yet again, he should face the consequences of his action. How he emotionally killed her.

Finally decided, the woman murmured in a harsh voice.

"Let him come, it's time for my revenge."


	2. Smaller Part of Me

**This disclaimer is for the whole story: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

* * *

Unshed Tears

_To love someone…_

_It's the most meaningless thing in this world_

_Wanting to be loved is just and endless rotation of hope and despair_

(By my friend Evangaline)

6 Years Ago

BPOV

"Hey Bella, you remember that old mansion by the river?" Angela, my best friend, sat down at our lunch table. Of course I remember that old house; my friend Jacob locked me in the closet once when we were younger. We used to sneak in the house and play hide in seek.

"Yeah, what about it?" Ang looked like she wanted to burst with excitement by the look on her face. She wasn't the only one happy today, everyone seemed to be talking about something, maybe whatever Angela is about to tell me has to do with that.

"A family moved in about a week ago and they have 5 teenagers. I'm pretty sure their last name is Cullen. The story is that they were all adopted and just recently came from Chicago." Ahh, so these new kids were the new "shiny toy" of Forks. I can only hope that they're not like the majority of the school, ran by their hormones, the carbon copy of people out of a bad teenage drama.

"That's cool, wonder why they started so late in the year?" And by late, I mean late, it's only about 5 months until school ends. 5 months until I can leave this dreary town and go to college or something.

"Yeah, that does seem a little odd." Right after Angela finished talking, the cafeteria door opened and silence enveloped the room. In walked what I take to be the new students. My jaw dropped when I saw their faces, there wasn't a word to describe them, except maybe inhuman. Side by side they walked, like models on a catwalk, a burly guy with brown curly hair, a pixie like girl with hair sticking out in a disorderly perfection, and a girl who just screamed "essence of beautiful" just looking at hurt brought down what was left of my self esteem.

But out of all of them, it was the bronze haired boy who stopped by heart all together. A living and breathing Adonis, he was a God and would never be mines. All the girls looked ready to kiss the ground her walked, he however remind unknown to the obvious infatuation. As he passed out table, he looked eyes with me. His emerald eyes bore into my souls for the quickest second before he turned his head. I felt the blood color my cheeks as I looked down at the table.

"Aww, I know that look, our little Bella has a crush on the new boy." Ben, Angela's boyfriend, who I hadn't notice sit down exclaimed.

"I don't know what you're talking about; I don't even know his name." I bet you his name is as beautiful as he is. I looked up to see the new students eating alone, while everyone was studying their every move. I wonder if they liked the attention, personally I don't because I tend to do embarrassing stuff like fall flat on my face.

I hurriedly ate my food as Bean and Angela planned their next date. They made the cutest couple and I hope that I could have a relationship like that too. I always felt a twinge of jealousy when I watched those two interact; they always seemed to know what each other wants and seem to share a deep moment without any words. I want that, I want someone to love me for who I am, that would never leave me despite my faults, to hold me because they want to and make me laugh.

Sighing, I quickly got up from the table and threw away my found. As I turned around I collided into something hard. Who or whatever it was, felt like a brick, I fell on my back and groaned as the pain caught up. Who ever hit me was laughing before there was a load smack.

"What, it was funny, don't have to be so mean about it Edward." The deep voice chuckled followed by another loud smack. I opened my eyes to see the large boy rubbing his head, while the bronze haired boy,who I take to be Edward, glared.

"It's not funny Emmett; she really could've gotten hurt because of you!" Edward continued to glare while Emmett continued to laugh.

"It's ok; I'm fine, this actually more often than you think." I started to get up when Edward extended a hand to help. I graciously took it only to be meet by some electrical charge when our hands touched. Edward seemed to notice it because after I was steady, he looked at his hand in curiosity.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there…." He trailed off obviously not knowing my name. I tore my eyes off Edward so I could answer Emmett.

"Isabella, but you can call me Bella and its ok, like I said before it happens often, I am _very _clumsy." I smiled at him so he could see that I truly forgave him. I was fine except my head hurt from the impact. That's going to hurt in the morning.

"Well, I guess I'll see you again but hopefully I'm not on the ground when we do." I joked. Both of the laughed and for a moment I was in awe at the sound of Edward's laugh, it was like music. I waved goodbye and quickly left the cafeteria before I ran into someone else. I headed to Biology and sat down in my seat. For the past months the seat next to me has been empty but that was ok with me, i tend to keep to myself. I started to draw the meadow I found when I got lost in the woods. I had run away when my mom tried to take me to Florida with her when she divorced Charlie. I faintly heard the chair scrape across the floor next to me. Seems Mr. Banner has decided to grace me with a partner. I continued to sketch only to interrupted by a God.

"I guess you kept your promise not to be on the ground when you saw us again." The musical voice my heart goes double time for joked. I blushed as I turned to comment back. There sitting beside me in all of his glorified perfection was Edward. Damn him and that crooked smile!

"I guess so, but just to let you know I fall often, it one of my many embarrassing traits, blushing is also one." I blushed even deeper as if to prove my point. Edward just laughed and smiled crookedly. My breath caught and I had to look away before I said or do something I shouldn't.

"That's were you're wrong, I think your blush is adorable, just like you balance issues." Is it possible to die from embarrassment because I confident enough to say that I'm close to doing so. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. Luckily Mr. Banner began the lessons so I smiled and turned my head.

The lesson was fairly easy so I finished the assignment easily and apparently Edward thought so because he was done as well. I took at my drawing pad and started on the meadow again, this time adding me crying as I had done so when I learned my parents were separating. I turned to see Edward looking intently at my picture with a puzzled look on his face.

"Is that you?" He seemed to honestly want to know what I was drawing about. Should I tell him about that day?

"Yeah, I got lost in the woods." I know I haven't known him long but I feel that I can trust him with the details of my life. "When I was little my mom and dad divorced, so my mother wanted to take me back to Florida with her."

"So you ran away." He seemed so confidant with his assessment, it wasn't even a question.

"Yeah, I didn't want to go with my mom, I couldn't leave my dad by himself, I love him too much for that." It's true, our relationship may seem awkward at some points but he is the greatest dad ever. He knows what I want without asking, he can tell when I'm feeling sad and then do everything in his power to make me happy. I didn't have that with Renee, she knew nothing about me, she had to ask me constantly about what i wanted.

Obviously sensing that whatever happened that day was a sensitive topic, he looked for something else to talk about. And for that I was thankful.

"Do you go to that meadow a lot?" He looked into my eyes for a intense moment, finallt I had to turn away and stare at the table.

"Yeah, it's a great place to think, maybe I'll take you one day." I smiled at the thought of me and Edward in my meadow, alone. I looked up to see his reaction to my invitation. He seemed to notice the hint I left about going somewhere to him because he smirked.

"Sure, you are really good artists." I didn't think i was that great, i drew a random pictures here and there, but nothing with meaning. It is my dream to become a famous artist but I don't possess the talent the make me well known to the world.

"Thanks, but I'm really not that great, unlike you, I bet your great at tons of things!" He frowned at my self doubt but then told me about his exceptional piano playing skills and how he dreams on becoming a famous pianist/composer.

"Wow Mr. Cullen, aren't we special! Edward Cullen, the piano playing extraordinaire." We laughed and chatted like old friends. It was great, except that small part of me that wanted to be more than a friend but I knew that would never happen. Edward deserved someone prettier and smarter than me and if being a friend was all I could be, then I would gladly take it.

Too soon, the bell rang and it was time for P.E, I swear that class was just for people's entertainment as they watched me being pelted with balls and tripping over air.

Noticing my pained expression Edward chuckled.

"You have P.E don't you?" When I nodded he burst out laughing, I scrunched up my face and stuck out my tongue.

"It's not funny, that class will be the death of me one day." That only made him laugh harder. Fed up I punched him in the arm, his laughter stopped and he stared at me, hurt in his eyes.

"What was that for, that really hurt?" I instantly felt bad, there I go, already screwing things up.

"OH, I'm so sorry Edward, I didn't mean…." I stopped mid sentence when I saw Edward shaking with laughter.

"Bella, you can't honestly believe that hurt, the day you hurt me will me the day you go without tripping!" I just scowled and turned way. He thinks he's funny doesn't he, stupid gorgeous piano player! Before I could walk off Edward grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

"I'm sorry Bella, please forgive me?" He gave me an adorable pout that caused me to crumble instantly. I nodded yes and he pulled be in for a quick hug. He released me and laughed at my dazed expression.

"See you later Bella!" He turned around and headed back down the hallway while I stood frozen in spot. One thing for sure, the small part of me just got bigger.

* * *

**AN: This is obviously my new story, I know that I haven't updated _Revenge Always Ends In Love_ for a while but I'm working on it and just for your long wait I will post two chapter before the 18th. Please review because your comments tell me if the story is good or not. The next chapter will skip a few months but will have flashbacks. It is also the begining of the plot. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	3. The Happiness of Two People

**AN: This is one last chapter before I disapper! I hope you like it even though I feel it's a little weak. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! **

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!  


* * *

BPOV**

**_2 Months Later_**

"Edward Cullen, put me down right now!!!!!!!" I was currently being carried bridal style by my first love. How he could love me back was still a mystery, but who am I to complain. I remember when he first asked me out.

**_ Flashback_**

_It's snowing outside in the park, the atmosphere was filled with happiness and love. Two people were having a snowball fight and clearly the man was winning._

_"Edward, you suck you know, that snowball you threw at me hit me right in the face!" The girl's face was a bright red as she scowled at the boy she secretly loved. _

_She loved his laugh; it was like music, a beautiful lullaby, so enchanting._

_"Sorry love, you just have slow reflexives, you didn't move fast enough." She loved how he used that term of endearment even though she was sure it meant nothing. How could someone like Edward want her, she was plain while he was a living Adonis._

_"Slow reflexives, I'll give you slow reflexives!" She pounced onto Edward and began laughing at his startled expression. He quickly composed his face before rolling over so he was directly on top of her. Her heart began to beat faster as she took note of their close vicinity. His green orbs staring intently into hers, filled with some indescribable emotion before it was replaced with determination._

_"Bella, for 2 months I've know you, you've been my best friend, my everything. You always make me laugh and like me for me, not my looks or my money. I know you might not feel the same way but I need to get this off my chest. Bella, I love you." Edward stared at me as I let what he said sink in. The next thing I knew I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. The kiss was gentle but very passionate. His lips were soft as they molded with mine. I could feel the electricity run through us. When I pulled away I whispered into his ear,_

_"I love you too." I looked into his eyes which shined with happiness, the white snow falling around us making the perfect picture. I sighed contently, wishing we could stay here forever. That didn't last long because soon afterwards I was pulled to my feet._

_"May I have this dance Ms. Swan?" Edward held out a hand which I took._

_"Yes you may Mr. Cullen." He wrapped his arms around my waist so he could pull us closer. I leaned my head on his shoulder smiling slightly. He twirled us as he hummed an unfamiliar tune._

_"That's a beautiful song, who wrote it?"_

_"I wrote it love, it's your lullaby." Tears began to well up in my eyes. Edward must have noticed because he had a worried look on his face. "What's wrong love, are you ok?"_

_"I'm fine; I can't believe you wrote a song for me."_

_"I'd write a thousand songs for you love." I didn't reply because this was the moment where words weren't necessary, our love was speaking for us._

_ **End Flashback**  
_

That was one of the best days of my life; the first would be when I first meet Edward. I was pulled from my thoughts when Edward sat me in my seat. I glared at him as he sat down next to me. He didn't take me serious because he just laughed and sat next to me.

"I am perfectly capable of walking to my own class seeing that I have legs and feet." I pouted which just made him laugh harder.

"Love, not only to you do you have legs but you have two left feet as well, if I let you walk to class we would have been hospital because you tripped over air." So he thinks he's funny doesn't he, stupid boy with the sexy smile.

"Hahaha, keep laughing and I'll tell Alice you want a makeover." He shut up real quick, he probably remembers last time Alice gave him a makeover. She dyed his hair blonde saying he would look better with Jasper's hair. Edward's siblings were hilarious. There was Emmett, the giant teddy bear, he looks big and scary but he's a kid at heart, unless you mess with his family. Alice, who was Edward's real sister, was a hyperactive pixie with a unhealthy addiction to shopping. Her boyfriend Jasper, who is very good at reading people's emotions, was more laid back, the complete opposite of Alice. They balance each other and you can tell they love each other. Jasper is the twin of Emmett's girlfriend Rosalie Hale. Rose seemed reluctant to accept me but after a while we became closer friends.

Before he could comment, Mr. Banner walked in the class. Edward grabbed my hand under the table and smiled when I turned to look at him. It was the little things he did that made me love him more. It was also what made me doubt myself. I feel as if I don't do enough for Edward, he's always buying me stuff, saying the sweetest things when I'm sad. And what have I've done for him? I don't deserve Edward but I'm to selfish to give him up. He should be with someone who is worthy of his love not me. Edward interrupted my thoughts as he placed light kisses on my neck.

"As much as I love that look on your face Bella, it's time to go to our next class." He was smirking because he knew that P.E. was my worst enemy. Stupid falling balls and slippery floors!

"You know ditching is healthy every once and a while." I pouted, trying to convince him to not take me to my death. If I was in the movie Saw my trap would be to play any sport without tripping. No joke.

"Sorry love but you have to go to class."

"You suck." I dragged my feet toward the dreaded gym silently praying that I won't hurt anyone. Praying with my head down was a bad idea because I ran into someone I rather not see the rest of my life, Mike Newton. He arms wrapped around my waist, a poor cover up because I knew he just wanted to touch me. I swear he runs into me on purpose and the worst part is Edward is in denial about the whole thing. He thinks that Mike is just being friendly and would never try to steal his best friend's girlfriend. I love my boyfriend but sometimes he's an idiot.

"Hey Bells, as much as I like catching you, we've got to stop meeting this way." He winked at me as he set me upright. "So, are you and Edward coming to the party at my house?"

"Yeah, we're going, it starts at 8 right?" I faked enthusiasm because the only reason I was going to this stupid party was for Edward. It's the end of the year / great football season part and they were going to celebrate Edward for getting a football scholarship to Dartmouth. For us it would be a celebration Edward's accomplishment and a wake up call saying they didn't have much time left together. Edward and I haven't talked much about the future, saying we cross that bridge when it comes. That bridge has come and we still refuse to acknowledge it. Both of us knew our time together was limited but talking about our separation would hurt too much.

"Yep, can't wait to see you there Gorgeous!" Mike thankfully walked away and I was left to my torture. Wonderful.

* * *

**_After School-6:30 PM_**

"Bella if you don't seat still I'll mess up on your makeup and have to start all over." Alice all but tied me to a chair so she could play Bella Barbie. Edward wasn't allowed to come save me because Alice threatened to use his piano as firewood. She had forced me in black skinny jeans, blue peep toe deathtraps, and a white tank top under a blue wrap sweater. My hair was curled as it fell to my back, and now she was coating crap on my face.

"I don't know why your making me dress like this, it's just a party." Alice set down some sort of powder before giving me a stern look.

"I'm dressing you like this for Edward, so stop complaining and thank me." I was handed a mirror and when I looked, I let out a small gasp. The person in the mirror was not me; it was someone much prettier, someone who looked like they belonged next to Edward. I stood up and grabbed Alice in a tight hug before going downstairs. Being me of course, I tripped on the last two steps and went flying. Instead of meeting the cold floor I was so accustomed to, I was in the arms of a god. Edward must have noticed my eyes slightly glaze over because he chuckled as he balanced me.

"Careful love, Alice spent a lot of time on you and I don't think she would appreciate it being wasted in the hospital." I took the time to notice Edward's outfit. He was wearing blue jeans, a blue button up shirt with white Nikes. The image of perfection.

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT EDWARD!!!!!" Alice yelled from upstairs. I laughed as I reached up to kiss Edward on the lips. He pulled me closer, our warmth intensified. But before we could go any farther we were interrupted by a cough.

"I'd just like to let you know that I'm too young to be an uncle." Emmett was grinning as he took in our embrace. "Anyway, I'd like to get to the party on time." Everyone headed outside ti get into their cars. Edward and I took his Volvo. There was tension in the air was thick as we drove in silence. Finally I mentioned the inevitable.

"Edward, in a few months, you'll be off to Dartmouth and we still haven't figured out what we're going to do about us." Edward's hands clenched the steering wheel as I spoke. I knew how he felt about this but we needed to talk.

"Bella could we please talk about this later, I swear will figure this out, don't let it ruin tonight." He pleaded but I wouldn't budge.

"We've been saying we'll figure it out for the past month, but we haven't Edward!"

"I know love, but can we please talk about it some other time, please?" I only gave in because he gave me his signature puppy eyes.

"We_ will_ talk about this later Edward." We pulled up to Mike's house which was filled with cars and drunk teenagers. The party was like most high school parties, alcohol and sex-crazed teens. The dance floor was a big grinding fest and I didn't want to take part in that.

"Everybody, can I please have your attention, it's time to celebrate my best bud Edward's scholarship to Dartmouth. Come over here smart ass!" Tyler, one of Edward's many friends announced. Edward walked over to him only to be gathered in a group hug. As soon as he was released everyone began to chant.

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" I gave him an encouraging smile when we locked eyes.

"Ok, I would like to thank everyone for coming, Mike for throwing the party and being one of my best friends, I trust you with my life man, my family for all the smacks in the head when I studied to much, and lastly my awesome girlfriend Bella, for being there and loving me despite my faults. I love you Bella!" I blushed furiously as everyone clapped, I didn't expect him to mention my name. Edward weaved through the sweaty bodies and gave me a chaste kiss. He started speaking but the music was too loud so all I heard was,

"Every…I said….true…done….without you."

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU EDWARD!"

"LET'S GO SOMEPLACE ELSE!" He yelled as he led me upstairs. People were playing tongue hockey as we passed through, finally we reached a deserted room. My heart beat furiously as realization dawned on me. Me an Edward, alone in a room. Before I could go in cardiac arrest Edward began to speak.

"I just want to let you know that everything I said down there was entirely true, I couldn't have done this without you Bella." His emerald eyes burned with intensity as he looked into my eyes. Tears began to well up in my eyes; I loved him so much, he can't leave me. Yet he had to, I would just hold him back from something great. Ashamed I wiped my tears and turned away. Seconds later a cool hand gently grabbed my face turning it towards him so he could look directly into my eyes.

"Don't ever hide your beautiful face from me, who knows how much time I have left to see it."

"Two months." Instinctively I answered, 2 months before my love is taken way from me. My answer must have hurt him because pain filled his beautiful green orbs.

"What can I do to make you see that I'll love you forever, tell me and I'll do it!" Before I knew it, a response escaped my lips.

"Love me; I want you to love me Edward."

"I do love you, always and forever!" He obviously didn't get what I had said. Taking a deep breath I told him once more.

"Make love to me Edward." At this point I was whispering. I felt so pathetic begging like this, but if I only had two months left with him, it will be the best two months ever. I peered into his eyes, silently pleading, I needed him. Edward searched for any source of doubt in my eyes, when he found none his lips collided with mine. Each fiery kiss, the searing hot trail his fingers left on my skin, was pure bliss. Lust took control of our bodies as we tore at each others clothing. Soon we were wrapped in a fiery embrace as we became one. Every thing else forgotten, the music became silent and it was just me and Edward.

* * *

**EPOV**

**_The next morning _**

The light filtering through the blinds woke me and the pervious day's events cam flooding back. Bella. I looked down to see my love's head resting on my chest. She was so beautiful, like an innocent angel, so pure. Even when she's asleep she manages to leave me breathless. Every once in a while her lips would move, mumbling about random things. Sleep-talking was one of Bella's many adorable traits, it was a portal to her closed of thoughts.

"Edward." My heart soared as she said my name several times, it was nice to now she was dreaming about me.

"I love you Edward." Kissing her head I gently moved her aside and began to put on my clothes that lay discarded on the floor. Last night had to be one of the best nights of my life, every kiss, every touch I will always savor.

"I love you Bella, my heart will always belong to you." I slipped outside the room to see the damage done to Mike's house. There were cups every where and an occasional bra hanging on something. Several people were passed out on his couches and the living room smelled like sweat. I feel sad for whoever is cleaning this up. As I surveyed the damage, Mike came up beside me. His eyes were filled with sadness.

"What's up man?"

"Edward, it's about Bella." What's so important about Bella that can make him look do forlorn.

"What about Bella?"

"I think you need to break up with her." Has Mike lost his mind! Break up with Bella, he still must be drunk.

"What! Why would I need to do that?"

"Look, you will be across the country, you might only see her 3 times a year. Imagine what that would do to her. If you love her like you said then you'll let her go." That's still not a good enough reason to leave Bella.

"I can't do that Mike, I need her!"

"You have to, imagine this, you finally have a chance to go home, you tell Bella and she gets all excited, then you learn that you have some test to take that requires a lot of studying. You call and tell Bella you can't come to see her and she's heartbroken. Would you do that to hear? Could you be selfish enough to put her through that year after year because you aren't strong enough to let her go!" Mike had a point, that would be selfish to do that to her, but a life without Bella is no life at all.

"Mike, I can't talk about this right now."

"Alright man, but think about this, whose happiness is more important, Bella's or yours." And with that he strode outside leaving me to think about what he had just said. The answer to his question was an easy one, Bella's happiness was more important. The real question was if I was strong enough to leave.

* * *

**AN: This is another Christmas gift before I disappear. It's a little sucky, I know. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Peace Love & Twilight**


	4. Pieces of My Heart

**AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, life has been pretty hectic. As of now I have only updated Unshed Tears, but I'm working on Revenge Always Ends in Love. I'm having a little writer's block with it, so I've been thinking about its possible outcomes. This chapter sucks because I was working on it at 11 PM. Anyways I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed to far. **

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to Bookluver142, ****and XxSacrificeX ****being awesome and reading and reviewing both my stories!! YOU HAVE REACHED A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

****BPOV**

_**One Month Later**_

Lunch…… great. I pulled my black hoodie over my head as I walked right past the lunch line and sat down at the table in the corner. On the way there, the cafeteria was enveloped in silence as every one stared at me. It didn't faze me seeing that I was used to it by now. I let my newly dyed black hair hide the bags under my eyes from another sleepless night as I leaned forward in my chair. I feigned sleep until I heard the irritating clacks of the Bimbo Patrol reaching the table.

"Hey Emo, skipping a meal isn't going to help you lose all that fat you've gained." Lauren the head ho sneered at me, her icy blue eyes filled with hate. This happened everyday so I'm use to it. A few more weeks and I'm gone.

"Yeah, I read in Cosmo eating away your depression is unhealthy, almost like looking at your hideous face!" Jessica, the ho-in-training added in. Soon the whole group began saying things like 'Do us a favor and jump off a cliff. Or 'Cut deeper next time.' I just stared expressionless as they ranted on and on. Eventually they left and I traced patterns mindlessly on the oak table. If only they knew. It's all His fault this is happening and the part that pisses me off the most is that he has decided to ignore me ever since that day.

**Flashback**

_I woke up to an empty bed, slightly frowning that the love of my life was missing. Spotting my undergarments, images of last night went through my mind like a slideshow. That was officially the best day of my entire existence and I was glad it was because of Edward. After putting back my clothes on, I slowly walked down the stairs to find Edward sitting on the couch with his head in between his hands. His body slightly slouched over as he pulled at is hair at random moments. As I sat down next to him, he stiffened before uncovering his glorious face. Worry lines were etched into his perfect face making him look older. His eyes, once a shining emerald, could only be called a dull green._

_"Edward, what's the matter?" He took my hands into his, rubbing circles into my paws before speaking._

_"Bella, we need to talk." Those words he had spoken, no matter how cliché, froze my heart as my eyes widened in distress. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out except the strangled sound that emitted from my body. This can't be happening, not after yesterday._

_"Last night was great, no it was mind-blowing, but it showed me that what we have between us isn't love…but lust." He let go of my hand and looked me dead in the eye before continuing. "When I leave, this won't last, so I think we need to break up." It was then when my heart shattered into a million pieces. After what seemed to be hours, I managed to get my voice back._

_"Lust! Last night was LUST!?!?! What about all the times you said you loved me Edward, the times when you would sneak into my room when I had a bad day. What about all those times, can you tell me it was all a lie?" I was furious and my anger grew as he stared at me with cold eyes. What he said next changed my whole future._

_"I was blinded by what I believed to be love, I honestly thought you were my soul mate, that's why I did all the things I did, but in reality we just weren't meant to be." By this point I was sobbing, on the verge of breaking down. How could he say that, all the times we spent together, every touch and warm embrace, it was real, I know it was. The words he said next were a stab to my heart._

**(AN: **_**Bold Italics**__:_ What Edward is saying & _Italics:_ What Bella thinks he's saying)

_**It won't work **_

_It was all a lie _

_**I don't love you anymore**_

_I hate you_

_**We can't be together**_

_You don't deserve me_

_**It's over**_

_I never loved you_

_I fell to my knees, crying my heart out on the beer stained carpet. If I hadn't looked up, I would've never seen Edward give me one last sorrowful glance before walking out the door. Walking out of my life…Forever._

**End Flashback**

**BPOV**

As usual school was a drag and Biology was the same as well. Edward would walk in nod his head towards me before turning his attention to Mr. Banner. The whole hour I spent next to him was torture; I was in agony every time we meet each others eyes. He always looked like he wanted to say something but just when he opened his mouth he'd close it again. Probably wants to tell me to stop wasting space and disappear. If only he knew what I was going through, if only he knew. The worst part is that his family doesn't talk to me either. When I see them in the hallway, they walk past me without a second glance.

I sighed as I was pushed and shoved until I reached my decrepit truck my dad Charlie had bought me. Thinking of Charlie reminded me of our trip to the clinic. Guilt and sadness filled my heart as I thought about the confrontation I had a few days earlier with Charlie. When I pulled into my driveway and sat and waited for Charlie to come out, I pulled out my notebook and began drawing. The door opened and I quickly stashed it underneath the seat. I pulled out and began to drive to a place I now call hell on earth. The silence in the truck was uncomfortable and I began to squirm in my seat. Finally Charlie broke the silence and spoke something that killed whatever was left of me.

"This is for the best you know, there aren't any other options." I clenched my jaw at Charlie's remark, there was another option, there always is. For what seems the millionth time, I bit back tears and push back my anger towards Charlie. I'm lucky he hasn't kicked me out of the house yet, or even better, be like my mother and disown me. This was partly _His_ fault and because of _His_ mistakes, others have to deal with the consequences.

"Yeah, I know its better this way." Lies, it's not better; in fact this is the greatest mistake of my life….no it's the second; trusting Him will always be number 1. "Pretty soon this will all be over and we can move on with our lives." It was amazing how I could lie so easily to Charlie; he could never know how much this was going to hurt.

"That's the spirit Bells; in a few weeks you'll be on your way to New York for college and away from all this mess." He was right about the last part, a few more weeks and I can try to start over, create a new Bella. By the time Charlie had finished talking we had arrived. The entry was lined with angry women holding up signs, yelling insults at arriving and departing people. This just made me feel ten times guiltier then what I already was. Stepping out the truck and begin led toward the clinic reminded me how I got her.

**Flashback**

_"__Bella, how could __**you**__ do this to yourself__?" Charlie's face was turning an unhealthy purple as he yelled at me. "You think you would learn after what happened to your mother and I, but I guess not, you are just as __**stupid**__!" I flinched as he towered over me, but he was right, I was stupid._

_"Dad, it was an accident, I thought we we're careful!" Just when I thought Edward couldn't ruin my life any more, this crap happens. I stared at the counter to avoid Charlie's angry eyes only to e meet by the very thing that caused this argument. The pregnancy test sat in front of me, mocking me with its two pink lines._

_"__There should have never been any __**goddamn accident**__ in the first place, YOU'RE WAY too young!__"_

_"I'm not a child any more; I am old enough to decide whatever the hell I want to do!"_

_"To __**hell**__ you aren't, if you weren't a child any more, you'd never be in this situation!" He took a second to take deep breaths, his face still etched with anger and disappointment. "Not only are you alone, but I am in no position to raise another __**kid**__!" I opened my mouth to argue back but he cut me off before I could say a word._

_"Don't you dare tell me you can raise a kid because you haven't finished school yet and you don't have enough money to support the two of you!" I sat down in defeat, Charlie was right as usual but to blame this in me was unfair, it was as much his fault as it is mine's._

_"What are we going to do then Charlie, you seem to have all the answers!"_

_"I saw a flyer on the board at the station, says they give free abortions to teenagers." How he could stand there calmly and say that to me would forever remain a mystery._

_"AN ABORTION, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND, I WON'T… I CAN'T DO IT!"_

_"Then move out Bella, I'm not going to pay for your mistakes!" My face fell, taking note of this he continued on. "That's right, you have no where to go, your mind sure as hell won't take you in and you have no money." Dammit! He was right again, I had no where to go, I completely depended on him._

_"Fine Charlie, you when I make an appointment tomorrow, I highly doubt I can hate myself more than I already do." How wrong I was, I could hate myself to the point where I'm begging for death._

**End Flashback**

**BPOV**

So here I am now, about to take away life so I can live….or at least try to. The white tile floor laughs at each step I take. I fall back into the uncomfortable green chair as I wait to be called. Subconsciously my hand goes to my stomach and I idly draw designs on it. In the background I can hear muffled sobs erupting from the blonde teenager next to me; her small frame shook as she mourned the lost of her inborn child. I avoided looking at her, knowing that would be me pretty soon, but at least she had someone to comfort her. Charlie refused to come in saying she could handle being by herself. I laughed coldly thinking about the irony of that statement. I could barely handle _Him_ leaving, what makes him think I could survive killing someone. I shook my head hoping to dispel the direction my thoughts had taken. I was about to walk out of the hell hole when I heard the doctor's doo swing open. I froze momentarily, praying that my name wouldn't be called.

"Isabella Swan, you may come in now." Of course, as usual the world was against me and I dragged myself into the all white room that faintly resembled a psycho ward. I was giving a paper dress to put on so the doctor could do whatever she does.

"Ok Isabella, I need you to lie on this bed and spread your leg opens. I'm going to "put you under" so you shouldn't feel a thing." How wrong she was, as I walked passed the protesting women and hopped into the truck, I felt everything. I was a monster and I would soon pay.

* * *

**AN: Well that is my craptastic chapter, I hope someone liked it. I have a favor to ask, my friend is trying to write a story for FanFiction but she's having trouble finding a name for the baby boy. Any ideas? Also does anyone know the purpose for a beta and how to get one? I'll try to update Revenge Always Ends in Love as soon as possible. Please Review!!!!!**

**PEACE LOVE TWILIGHT**


	5. The Agony of Two People

**AN: Hey, sorry I'm one day late, my mom was pmsing and told me to stay off the computer. So here is the newest chapter of Unshed Tears, I hope you like. Remember reviews make the story so mucu better. Also, check out my other story Revenge Always Ends in Love.**

** Revised (4/27/08)  
**

* * *

**BPOV **

The next few weeks were a blur; I didn't care enough to pay attention. I dragged my unwilling body day after day, the pain had long disappeared and in its place was emptiness. My brain shut down, my eyes lifeless once more and I still didn't give a fuck. Charlie gave up on me after I became a mute; I refused to show any sign that part of me was still living to anybody; I wish that people would stay out of my shit and mind their own damn business. I felt inclined, almost resolute on keeping myself isolated. In my own world, the crude comments as well as the pity stares directed towards me disappeared and it was only I. However my "safe place" was anything but perfect. I may have escaped the outside world for only a while, but the mockery promised to stay for as long as I chose to keep breathing in air.

"Hello Bella, um I was wondering if you needed a ride to graduation tomorrow." My illusion of peace was shattered into a billion sharp pieces, painfully cutting into my heart as I stared into the eyes of the one and only Alice Cullen. I continued to stare, the pain intensifying with each passing second. She stood there, twisting her dainty hands as she rocked back in forth on her heels.

_Please go away, just leave me alone!_ I willed her with my eyes to go back to her table and never come back again, but she remained standing. My chest was on fire now and I broke the connection and continued to sketch. I heard Alice sigh and slowly walk away departing with one last sentence.

"We're truly sorry Bella, all of us, and even though he doesn't show it, Edward is hurting inside too."

_Sorry my ass!_ I mentally scoffed. If it wasn't for the fact that I looked ill and close to insanity, she would have never apologized. I didn't need her hollow concerns, I didn't need anybody and I sure as hell didn't need their pity. They can take that apology and shove it up their asses. As for him, I would gladly share my torments, how lovely would it be to see him writhe in agony from the daily horrors of my life. Soon the bell rang releasing me from my mental prison as well as the physical one. I ghosted quickly to my truck and sped out of the parking lot.

I soon reached Charlie's house, yep it wasn't my house anymore, Charlie made that clear when he said that I needed to clean up my act if I wanted a place to say. Screw him, in a few days I won't have to take any of his crap. As I raced up the stairs, there was a tugging feeling tugging on my thoughts and I couldn't help but feel like I forgot something. Shrugging it off I continued to my room, only to step in a pile of glass.

A tortured silence erupted from my mouth, so quiet yet eerie at the same time. Tears began racing down my cheeks, before eventually falling off my face. I hopped on one foot to my room and sat on the ground so I could remove the shards that were piercing my foot.

Dammit, I forgot about the bathroom mirror, the memory came flooding back to me, and I attempted to wrench the hair out of my head.

_Please go away, make it stop, make the pain go away_. My internal cries were useless, no one would hear, nor would they care.

_**Bella's Dream**_

_My mask was gone, everything gone. The darkness frightens me and I struggle to catch a breath. The fight that raged inside of me made it harder for me to get air into my system. Sheer agony rippled through my body once again and I scream. It's too much to bear, so much suffering inflicted upon myself._

_**"Please make it end."**__ I whisper in the darkness. There was no reply except the howling of the horrid winds. I reach up from the hard wood floors; my hand desperately searches the bottle that contains my release. _

"_**Fuck!"**__ It's empty. I shouted in frustration before staring blankly at the wall in front of me. It was damaged; cracks were carved into it, each jagged line connected to another, always linked until one breaks the bond. That's all it took to ruin the intriguing design, one crack that refused to connect, it screwed everything up…just like me. _

_With a labored breath I tried to push through the pain and slowly staggered to the bathroom for my second option of release. Each step I took was accompanied by a whimper of anguish. I let no tears fall because in my eyes, the absence of my tears was my sobriety. Finally I reached my destination, or I think I did, seeing that my vision was completely blurred from taking my self-prescribed medicine. Faintly I could see the glint of what I hoped to be my anesthetic. It would be just like going to sleep, but in my eyes, it was ten times better. I pressed it to my wrist and dragged it across my dirty skin. This was just a test, a test to see if it was strong enough to numb my misery._

_A ghost of a smile crept up my face as the feeling of relief spread from my arm and throughout my system. But as quickly as it came, it soon faded away leaving nothing but pain once more. My face crumpled in despair, I needed something stronger and if I didn't get it soon I would never be able to escape. I needed this to end…now. Sucking in air that would never reach my lungs, I yanked my dear friend across my arm, slicing through the thick vein. I watched with wide eyes as the dark crimson seeped out the wound. It was amazingly grotesque, yet startlingly beautiful. Still I stared, completely captivated by the red ink that dripped onto the floor, exploding into was seemed to be a flower. I let out a bitter laugh before lying on my side, staring at the damaged wall once more. _

_**Ha, I beat it, the pain is finally gone**__. I smiled as I was sucked into the dark abyss._

_**End Dream**_

_I shot up, sweat covering every each of my skin. I ran into by bathroom to look for any scars on my arms or signs of self-inflicted wounds. There was nothing, absolutely nothing…but how? The dream was so real; I felt the despair and even the peace that came with death. I wanted to be real, so bad; I want to feel nothing too. I looked in the mirror, purplish bruises made a home under my eyes and my skin was sickly pale. I was unexpectedly overcome with fury. Why would someone mock me like that, to give me peace then snatch it right back! In anger, I picked the wooden stool off the ground and threw at the mocking window. But even as the pieces lay on the floor, it still taunted. __**It'll never end; you'll carry this with you for the rest of your life. **__I walked away from the talking glass and left for school, but as I got into my truck I couldn't help but think the mirror was right._

_**End Flashback**_

Turns out it was.

**EPOV**

It's been 3 months since I've last seen my love, Bella. Three months since I've held her in my arms and right now I wanted to crawl in a hole. It's my fault she's different, so lifeless and detached. Her eyes no longer shined with excitement, there was nothing, she observed the world with dead eyes. The worst part of this whole situation was to know that I did this to her. If I had any clue that my leaving would make her this way I would've cuffed our wrists together. I'm a monster; I ruined the most precious thing ever and destroyed what was essentially 'Bella". For days I've told myself I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not so sure. Every time I see her; when I see her unresponsive to everything, I want to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness.

At this very moment, I'm sitting here waiting desperately for my sister to return. Today was the day I gave up, no longer could I stay away from her, it hurt too much to see her this way. However I wasn't stupid, I know I can't just walk up and talk to her, I bet she hates me, I wouldn't blame her, I hate me. So instead I asked my sister to see if she was need a ride to graduation tomorrow, so here I sat waiting anxiously for her return. After several agonizing minutes, Alice became visible from a distance; she appeared to be….pissed. She stalked towards me, tears streaking down her face, the anger was radiating from her body. Shit was all I could think before I was slapped by a dainty hand.

"She…she just stared at me, she wouldn't say anything, she didn't smile or even glare. Her eyes… were vacant, void of any emotion." A sob racked through her tiny body as she struggled to speak. I tried to comfort her but she pushed me away and started punching her tiny fists into my chest. "It's all YOUR FAULT, you did this to her, Edward, you managed to suck the life out of my BEST FRIEND! I hate you." the last three words came out as a whisper but it hit me like a wrecking ball. I just keep on hurting the people I love, when is it going to stop?

"Al, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It wasn't supposed to end up like this, Bella was supposed to be happy and move on." Fury lit up Alice's eyes and she slapped me once more. I didn't say anything, I deserved whatever I got.

"What the hell did you expect Edward, did you think she would ok with the love of her life breaking up with her, did you think she would forget all the times you said you loved her, did you even think at all?" I looked down, I had no answer and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

"I really screwed up Alice, I know that, but I'll get her back, I swear." Running my fingers through my hair, I let out a sigh of frustration. If she wouldn't talk to Alice why the hell would she talk to me?

"Edward, I don't think you could bring someone like that back, I don't think she wants to." Alice murmured solemnly. Bella couldn't be that bad, could she?

"Don't say that, don't you dare give up on Bella!"

"I'm not giving up; I just think she may have." She let out one last sob and turned away from me. Damn, this just keeps getting better and now I'm left here alone once more.

**BPOV**

**_The next day_  
**

Today is the day I finally escape this hell, it was graduation. Charlie left a note on the door saying he would home late and to buy pizza if I got hungry. Wow, how thoughtful of him, 20 bucks for food was a lovely gift. Carelessly I tossed the sickening yellow robe that closely resembled piss over my all black attire. I threw my cap in the passenger seat and speed off to my school. When I arrived the school was crowded with giant peesicles. I stepped out of the cab and watched madness unfold. Children were crying, parents were bragging about their child's accomplishments and students were excited about the many parties afterwords. How pathetic.

"Let's get this fucking over with." I mumbled under my breath as I weaved carefully through the boisterous crowd. The secretary, Ms. Cope, directed me to my place in line for the opening march into the football field. Sadly, I was by Jessica Stanley who tried to engage me in conversation. After ignoring her, she finally gave up and turned to talk to some guy. Thankfully Pomp and Circumstance began to play and the line moved forward, one by one we were sat in our designated seat and then waited for the class valedictorian to give his speech. The rest was a blur and I zoned out, I wanted to go home, I needed to get away. I was brought back to present time by some one elbowing me in the side. Oh, it was my turn to cross the stage and receive my ticket to freedom. I didn't hear the cheering, if there was any; I was too concentrated on that piece of paper. Once it was in my hand I started to leave, fuck the hat tossing crap, but when I was half way across, someone grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. Sighing, I turned around, only to be stabbed endlessly by piercing green eyes.

"Bella, could you please talk to me, just for a few moments." He pleaded, clutching my shoulder a little tighter. His hand felt as if it was scorching my skin and I quickly squirmed out of his grasp. I looked at him with unfathomable eyes and dared him to say something else. "Please, say something, anything!"

"Fuck off Cullen." I whispered, then turned around and never looked back. The pain came flooding back as I heard him call my name, I didn't care, I just needed the pain to go away. When I reached homed I packed my suitcases and left Charlie a note, he would find it eventually. I made my way out the house and threw my stuff in the bed of the truck. I checked under the seat to seat to see if the money I had stashed there was enough, thankfully it was. Finally I pulled out the driveway and floored it, taking one last look as I left everything behind. I would never come back and for whatever that was soon to come, I just didn't care, i really didn't.

* * *

**AN: I hoped you liked the chapter! Mostly likely i will update next week on this story and my other one. If you have any suggestions on how to make the story better feel free to put it in your review.**

**Peace Love & Twilight**

**bubbly4edward**


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry I haven't updated, but I'm experiencing a HUGE writer's block, or what I like to call a Strawberry Stand-Still. (thanx angstgoddess003) I would appreciate it if you PM me with ideas for this story, it would super awesome if you did. If you would like to review, please do so on another chapter, this will be be deleted eventually.

PEACE LOVE & TWILIGHT

bubbyl4edward


	7. The Dark Nightmare

**AN: So I know it's been months since I've updated. There is no excuse for this and I'm not going to come up with any excuses as if to why I haven't been updating. I'm sorry and as an apology I have written this chapter for you guys. I hope you like it. Please review!**

* * *

**1 year later**

The freezing cold wind bit at my flesh, goose bumps covered my arms as I trudged through the thick snow. Every now and then I could see a car speed by as I walked through the deserted New York alleys. I stopped walking for a moment to retie my show, which was soggy from the melted snow; my toes were most likely black and blue from the night's harsh weather. I had nowhere to go, no warm house to sleep in, no one to hold me while I cry; I was alone, truly & utterly alone.

Continuing to walk, I began to sob silently as I looked for a place to sleep tonight. As I quietly walked down the dark alley, I thought about the strange man I had encountered this morning. This man took everything I thought about myself and showed me a new light. I wanted to hate him for making me imagine a life where everything was okay. I wanted to hate him for filling my head with the idea I could make something of myself. However I could not find it in my heart to hate him. This man helped me breath again; in a matter of seconds, he gave me hope.

**Flashback**

_"Almost done sweetie." I murmured to the little girl I was currently drawing. She sat patiently in the chair, 2 blond pigtail curled with ribbons at the top, her beautiful green eyes gleamed brightly as she anticipated the revealing of her picture. Her hands twitched on her overall-clad led, feet swinging to an unheard beat. She was beautiful._

That could've been you little one_, I sighed to myself. _

_I swiftly wiped my eyes to stop the tears that should never fall. I promised myself to never cry about that, it had to be done. However I also promised to never forget my unborn baby. Day after day I find it hard to keep the first promise, how could I not cry. I killed our baby… I mean my baby. Edward lost that right the moment he walked out that door. I shook my head, trying to dispel these forbidden thoughts that began to cloud my head. I won't let him control my life, not any more. _

_I picked up the charcoal pencil and began to shade in the little girls face, making her cheekbones more prominent and coloring her adorable blush that spread across her face. I peered over the easel to attempt to capture the look of innocence that shined in her eyes. I tried to capture the essence of this little girl as best as I could, though I knew that deep down, I wouldn't be able to attain the young girl's purity that emanated from her. The precious little girl wrung her hands in anticipation as she sensed I was coming to an end._

_I put the finishing touches on the little girls portrait, biting my lips in concentration as I struggled to shade in the girl's eyes. Trying to capture the innocence that shined brightly, I lost myself for just a second. A second that brought me back to think about my unborn baby, making me even more determined. I dropped the charcoal pencil back in it's case and gazed in awe at what seemed to be the best portrait I'd ever drew…excluding the painting of him. I shook my head, now is not the time for thoughts of him._

"_Here you go sweetie." I handed the girl her picture. My eyes glistened with tears as the little girl smiled brightly at me with joy. I quickly glanced at the mother who had inched closer to look at the portrait in curiosity. The woman's eyes caught mine and I saw sadness and understanding. I looked away, slightly puzzled and continued to watch the child tell her mother how much she loved the drawing._

"_Mommy look! It looks just like me!" The girl giggled happily and hugged the picture to her. The mother gently chided her, telling her to be careful with it. The child peered over the portrait, eyes shining with glee. She gave the portrait to her mother and shyly walked over to me and hugged my leg. Her cherub like face smiled at me. My throat closed up and tears welled in my eyes, the pain in my heart grew as the little girl clung to my leg. Carefully, as if she was made porcelain, I patted her on the head with the gentlest of touches. Her mother looked on and I meet her gaze with watery eyes. She gave me a small smile and then called to her daughter._

"_Lila, let's go show Daddy you picture." She held her hand out and the Lila released my leg; to my great disappointment, and ran to her mother. I silently thanked the mother with my eyes and turned away so she couldn't see the tears spilling down my cheeks. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see the mother looking on with caring eyes._

"_Thank you, for everything. You are very talented and I wish you all the best. I'm sure you'll get you happily ever after." The mother handed me the money for the picture and walked away, daughter in hand. I watched with a heavy heart as the mother and child disappeared into the mass of bodies that is New York. Sighing, I put the money into my pouch only to realize the woman had given way more than the portrait had cost. Tears fell once more and I quickly wiped them away. Hastily I hurried to pack up because I had to get to the shelter before it closed it's doors. I gathered my belongings and maneuvered my way through the crowds._

"_Excuse me, pardon me!" I rushed through the mob of people in a panicked frenzy, I didn't have much time. For all its worth I ran, thinking about nothing but the grey cement building that provided the only comfort and security I have felt in a year. However, not to my surprise, fate hates me and I was suddenly knocked on my back by some unseen force. My art kit scattered to the floor and I scrambled to collect my most precious item. I screamed angrily at those who stepped on my papers, not even bothering to help me, but I mostly screamed at myself for being in this situation._

_I collected most of the papers but I knew I was missing some. I checked my old watch and began to cry when I noticed that the shelter would be closed. I stayed on the ground and sobbed in my hands. The world hated me, I hated me. Everything that could go wrong did. I continued to cry until a felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up only to be meet by a pair of sapphire blue eyes that shined with worry. I looked away and scanned the rest of him. Dressed in a obviously designer labels and a very expensive camera hanging around his neck, he just screamed wealth and importance. His jet black hair was messy but it complemented his beautiful sculpted face. I looked down to see the rest of my drawings in his and I sighed in relief. _

"_Are you okay Miss?" He offered his hand to me and I gratefully took it. Standing up, I dusted off my clothes to the best of my ability and stood up straight. I looked once more at the man and noticed he was staring intently at the pictures in his hand. A look of amazement and wonder was evident on his face. Slightly irritated and a tad embarrassed, I snatched the papers out of his hands. Those pictures where private and were only meant to be seen by my eyes and my eyes only._

"_I would prefer if you'd ask first to see my things." He seemed surprised but gave his apologies._

"_I'm sorry Miss..."_

"_Bella." I interrupted. He looked apologetically at me before continuing._

"_Bella, please forgive me, I was just amazed by you artistic talents. Where did you learn to draw like that?" He seemed honestly curious and looked at me waiting for an answer._

"_I thought myself, it's started off as a hobby, but soon it became my life." It was true, when Renee left, I turned to drawing as a distraction for everything. I poured my feelings into my drawings, whether it was hate, sadness or even love. I need to draw it was my air, it was my soul._

"_Interesting, I may be asking to much but could you draw me?" He gave me a hopeful smile and I caved under the pressure of the fiery blue eyes. The shelter was already closed so there was no need for me to rush. I set up a place for him to sit and got out my supplies once more. He took his seat and waited patiently for me to get ready._

"_Would you like this portrait to be in color or black & white Mr.…?" I realized I had not gotten his name and peered over the easel to look at the nameless man._

"_Pierce, but please don't call me Mr. Pierce, it makes me feel old." His face scrunched up in dislike, though he still looked handsome doing so. I laughed out loud; this man couldn't possibly feel old, he looked around 22 or so._

"_Okay, so what shall you be called Mr. Pierce?" I smiled as she playfully glared at me. _

"_Jason, you can call me Jason." He gave me a dazzling smile before continuing on. "It doesn't matter to be, you're the artistic genius, you decide." I almost blushed at the compliment and decided to draw his stunning profile in black & white. I stared at his face for a moment and began to draw. Quick strokes and smudges here and there, the picture began to quickly form into Jason. Every now and then he would tell and interesting fact about himself. I know he was trying to get me to tell him about myself, but I wasn't ready to think back to my life in Forks. Instead I would ask a question about himself from his job to just plain random stuff. I learned he was a photographer who just opened his own gallery. He disliked hot dogs and still loved Power Rangers. He was single and used to live in Utah, but came to New York to capture the city's beauty on camera. _

"_What brought you to New York Bella?" My charcoal pencil stayed suspended in the air as I struggled to find an answer. Flashes of my graduation, the abortion and worst of the day Edward broke up with me, hit me all at once and I blinked my tears back at the agony came flooding back._

"_Choices made in the past, opportunities, my drawing…" I trailed off and focused intently on Jason's picture. I was nearly finished and was pleased with the portrait. It seemed like Jason was staring right at me as I remained silent. I felt his eyes on my face and I looked up to see them burning with curiosity. _

"_So… who's your favorite artist?" I successfully distracted him as he explained to me why 30 Seconds to Mars were music gods. Apparently if he could somebody else for a day he would be Jared Leto. I was in hysterics much to his dismay. He was dead serious and scolded me for not appreciating Jared Leto's greatness. _

"_Hey, I finished the portrait, would you like to see it or would you rather continue on talking about Jared Leto?" He stopped ranting and hopped of the chair to take a look. I ran my fingers through my hair as I waited for his verdict. Opinions meant a lot to me when it came to my drawings. Jason was silent for a moment before giving me a Cheshire grin._

"_Bella, you have a gift. This is excellent!" He reached into his back pocket a pulled out a business card for the company Jason takes pictures for. I took it, staring at him quixotically._

"_Well, Bella you have talent and I think you could use that talent and make something of yourself." He looked me earnestly in my eyes and I found myself imagining my future. Would I still be living in the streets or could I possibly be more. Could I live out my dream? Could I really become a well known artist? Maybe I could get my happily ever after like Jason was offering. I really almost believed I could do all those things, until a thought chased away all of those impossible dreams. I couldn't succeed in life, all I did was screw up over and over again and bring more misery upon myself. I put the business card in my back pocket and looked Jason in the eye._

"_I appreciate you trying to help, but I'm nothing special, I can't….I just can't do that…" He seemed puzzled at my decision and I took that time to excuse myself. "Thank you Mr. Pierce for your time, but I really need to get going." I retrieved my items and hurried away from Jason as he sadly watched me leave. Once more I was running away from my problems, but there was nothing I could do. I wasn't made to succeed. I was built for sin. I could never be more, I was meant to suffer alone._

**End Flashback**

I found shelter on the porch of an abandoned where house, the awning above protected me from the snow a little, but I was still freezing. I clutched my clothes tighter to my body in hope of bringing warmth to myself. I sheltered my face from the biting winds by placing my head down on my knees. I silently whispered to the sky, hoping that my baby could here me in the heavens. I told him about how sorry I was for killing him, for not being responsible enough to take care of him. I told my baby about Jason and how he opened my eyes to something I couldn't see before.

Tears continued to streak down my face as I talked to my son. I could felt my tear freeze on my face and laughed at how pathetic I was. I wondered how I let myself get here. I laughed bitterly at my stupidity. When I first came to New York I thought I would become an instant success, how wrong I was. Nobody would look twice at me; all they saw was a runaway teen who was trying to accomplish the impossible. I wasted a year trying to become something I would never be. I wasted all my money on my dreams and was now suffering the consequences.

I now know that your past mistakes determine you future. I now know that running from the past made it harder to worry about the present and future. I was so set on leaving everyone in Forks and becoming a famous artist, I didn't think about what also might happen. I was stuck in a dark fairytale where everything suddenly became okay. I didn't think about anything else, but look at me now. I'm homeless, I don't have a college degree and I have nothing but my drawings to live for. I'm alone with no future and worst of all the memories of the man who said he loved me continued to haunt me. I killed my baby and have no family to run to. I'm stuck in this dark nightmare and I don't think I'll ever wake up.

**EPOV**

The moon basked my face in its eerie glow, its yellow light illuminating my room. It was completely silent as I clutched a notebook to my chest, squeezing it tighter and tighter just to make sure it was still there. My fingers itched to open the cover once more and caress the pencil marks that littered each and every page. Ever so slowly I flipped through each page and soon enough tears began to well up and fall from my eyes, racing down my face and onto the notebook. Sighing heavily, I traced my fingers with the lightest touch over the messy scrawl that was written on each and every page: Bella Swan.

"Fuck off Cullen." Her harsh words as softly as she spoke them, cut through my heart and had me sobbing in anguish. The words continued to echo in my head. However it cut through me harder than before because those where her final words to me. Everyone in Forks knew the Bella had disappeared after graduation. Charlie had fallen apart thinking it was his fault. He quit his job as the police chief and was often found at the bar drinking away his sorrows. Eventually he drunk himself to the grave and I blamed myself for his death.

I wished it was that easy, drink away the pain and continue to live as if nothing had happened. After a few months' people stopped talking about it and then they forgot about Bella Swan all together. A year had past since her disappearance. A year, it's been a year since I'd seen her face and heard her voice. For a year I've hated myself for this mess I have created. I broke up with her and because of that she hated me and disappeared of the face of the earth.

I had broken her and I could tell from the pictures she had drawn in her sketchbook. The beginning pictures of the notebook were drawings of her and I together. Bella's face was always hidden in her drawings, but I was always the focus of the drawing. When I had asked long ago why she did that, she replied saying how she felt like she didn't look like she belonged next to me, that she paled in comparison. That angered me deeply and I sternly told her that she always belonged next to me and how beautiful she truly was. She laughed it off and told me how much she loved me. Her brown eyes looking intensely into mine as she spoke. I remember showering her with kisses and telling her she was my beautiful girl in between each kiss. I remember the look on her face as I told her so, she stared at me with wonder and love and it was then when I knew that I wanted to spend forever with this girl. Looking back, it seems like it was all just a story, some fairytale we had lived in together. Now as I flip through the pages of her notebook and look how the last half of her notebooks show her anger and hate, I know that I'm living in a dark nightmare and I don't think I'll ever wake up. Not without My Bella by my side.

* * *

**AN: Well here you go... Did you like it? Please review and tell me what you liked. If you didn't like it review and tell me why? **

**Peace, Love & Twilight**

**Bubbly4Edward**


End file.
